What the heck is No New Jeffs?

During the year I was born Jeff was one of the most popular baby names in America. Indeed, there are many Jeffs around today who are roughly the same age as me, but few newer models. Somehow it’s become one of those old man names, like Roland and Clarence used to be. This is no good. The Jeffs need to be replenished! We’re now relics from a different era, like rotary phones.

Sadly, it’s just another reminder that I’m getting up there in age. Everybody, even people in their 20s (for God’s sake), claims to be “getting old.” Heck, I’ve been saying it for decades too. But I had no idea what was actually in store for me. Not all of it bad, mind you. But at this point it’s not just goofing around anymore, the shit is real. I am on the cusp of elderly! Most of us Jeffs are.

And I find myself thinking about it a lot, and talking about it as well. Generally in a joking way, of course; I find it difficult to maintain “serious” for long. But I need to make sense of it all, and hope you’ll join me on this excursion into the unknown.

I’m publishing one new column here, related to aging in some way, on the first day of every month. Written in the standard West Virginia Surf Report style, of course. Don’t worry, I’m not going all sappy on you guys. I’m fairly certain I’m missing the sappy gene altogether.

The other good news: you don’t have to be a Jeff to appreciate the struggle. If you relate, it doesn’t matter what your name is. Please join us! Subscribe to get full access to the column and website (if you prefer). Never miss an update.

And there’s nothing to worry about

Sign up and every new column will go directly to your inbox. All at the attractive price of FREE. Yep, some (most?) of the Substack publications have a cost attached to them, but that’s not the case with No New Jeffs. This one is totally free of charge. Also, we’ll never spam you, sell your info, run ads, or anything of the sort. Oh, I might include a 100% optional Buy Jeff a Beer link, but that’s as bad as it’ll ever get. I’d just like for folks to read the column, share their thoughts and have fun. And that’s all there is to it. Thanks for reading this thing all the way to the bottom!

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Suddenly we're all relics from a different era.


Long-time proprietor of The West Virginia Surf Report! humor blog and podcast. I currently live in northeastern Pennsylvania with my wife and two sons. I'm a fan of humor, the Cincinnati Reds, alternative rock, good books, fast food and craft beer.