I don’t go to the doctor very often, because I’m afraid of them. Every time my wife badgers me into making an appointment I’m convinced they’ll discover I’m 50% tumor, or some other horrific shit. Why crack the seal on a frosty bottle of bad news? But I do get bullied into visiting the family doc every couple of years, and the last time he was quite insistent I get a colonoscopy. “You’re well past-due,” he reminded me.
A guy gets home from a full checkup and his wife asks how it went. "Great," the guy answers " The doctor says I can masturbate whenever I want !" "What kind of an office are they running down there ?!? I'm going to call you doctor !" She calls and her husband asks " Well ? " His wife says " That's not what the doctor meant when he said you could have a stroke at anytime !"
A colonoscopy is not that bad really. The worst part is drinking a gallon of Miralax and the subsequent all day shit. The drugs they use to knock you out are great. I tell them once they get ready, "Gimme that stuff that killed Michael Jackson." They always get a kick out of that. You never even feel the road cone.
The road cone! Oh God. Toney had a real colonoscopy recently, she's not as cowardly as I am, and afterward they let me go back to the recovery room. There were a bunch of groggy old men back there lying on their sides and farting like they were entered into some kind of contest. It sounded like Pearl Harbor.
I live in the home of Cologuard, Madison, WI. Just before COVID they had plans to build a processing lab right downtown, a block from the state capitol (your political joke here). IIRC some sort of financial, ah, shit hit the fan and they pulled out, instead moving into the old Ray-O-Vac headquarters a few miles west. I was relieved, not looking forward to having a nice dinner al fresco and wondering if every UPS truck that went by was loaded with 'samples'. "What can Brown do for you", indeed.
No article on the site!? I'm here to comment on the Cleveland Guardians name. The Transportation bridge, which has the Guardians on it - giant-assed statues of angry looking demi-gods holding old-time transportation, it's a missed opportunity to name them the Cleveland Rustbelters, Expanse reference aside.
I realize most sports team names are ridiculous, but I think they overthought this one. They should've just brought in a bunch of fifth grade boys and let them vote. Fifth grade boys are best at this kind of thing.
I did the Cologuard test a couple of years ago and after taking my box of shit to the UPS store I tracked it using UPS tracking. It went from Charleston, WV to Louisville, Ky and then on to the final destination of Milwaukee, WI overnight. I guess shit can fly.
Ha! We've got tiny little sample kits here that take about a half a mouse droppings worth of human poop. (I did not think that I would be writing that today!)
A guy gets home from a full checkup and his wife asks how it went. "Great," the guy answers " The doctor says I can masturbate whenever I want !" "What kind of an office are they running down there ?!? I'm going to call you doctor !" She calls and her husband asks " Well ? " His wife says " That's not what the doctor meant when he said you could have a stroke at anytime !"
A colonoscopy is not that bad really. The worst part is drinking a gallon of Miralax and the subsequent all day shit. The drugs they use to knock you out are great. I tell them once they get ready, "Gimme that stuff that killed Michael Jackson." They always get a kick out of that. You never even feel the road cone.
The road cone! Oh God. Toney had a real colonoscopy recently, she's not as cowardly as I am, and afterward they let me go back to the recovery room. There were a bunch of groggy old men back there lying on their sides and farting like they were entered into some kind of contest. It sounded like Pearl Harbor.
I'll trade you a titty smashing for a poop-in-the-box any day.
I understand. But you have to remember... I'm delicate.
I live in the home of Cologuard, Madison, WI. Just before COVID they had plans to build a processing lab right downtown, a block from the state capitol (your political joke here). IIRC some sort of financial, ah, shit hit the fan and they pulled out, instead moving into the old Ray-O-Vac headquarters a few miles west. I was relieved, not looking forward to having a nice dinner al fresco and wondering if every UPS truck that went by was loaded with 'samples'. "What can Brown do for you", indeed.
It's only a matter of time before there's a tractor trailer accident and shitboxes are strewn all over the highway and surrounding fields.
No article on the site!? I'm here to comment on the Cleveland Guardians name. The Transportation bridge, which has the Guardians on it - giant-assed statues of angry looking demi-gods holding old-time transportation, it's a missed opportunity to name them the Cleveland Rustbelters, Expanse reference aside.
I realize most sports team names are ridiculous, but I think they overthought this one. They should've just brought in a bunch of fifth grade boys and let them vote. Fifth grade boys are best at this kind of thing.
I did the Cologuard test a couple of years ago and after taking my box of shit to the UPS store I tracked it using UPS tracking. It went from Charleston, WV to Louisville, Ky and then on to the final destination of Milwaukee, WI overnight. I guess shit can fly.
That shit visited more U.S. states than some people I know.
“Muling a shitbox”. Classic!
Brock Yates agrees
Ha! We've got tiny little sample kits here that take about a half a mouse droppings worth of human poop. (I did not think that I would be writing that today!)
Haha. I made sure they had enough.